Okay, this has absolutely nothing to with writing. Or, maybe it does. This seems to be one of those stories that couldn't possibly be real and is in fact the work of a really fertile mind. Having said that, knowing the source, some of my more … open-minded friends, will probably doubt it's authenticity anyway, just as a matter of course. Anyway, here it is, with text in yellow and my comments in red. I laughed the whole way through this.
Published April 04, 2012
DARWIN, AUSTRALIA – If only Samuel L. Jackson had been on board. Indeed. This might have been a story of bad-assery, instead of just funny.
An Australian pilot was forced to deal with his own "Snakes on a Plane" drama after one of the slithering reptiles crawled out of the cockpit dashboard in mid-flight.
Air Frontier pilot Braden Blennerhassett was 20 minutes into a flight from Darwin to the remote community of Peppimenarti in far northern Australia on Tuesday to drop off cargo when the snake suddenly appeared. Peppimenarti? Really? Peppy Menarty? Sounds like a Jersey Shore girl. That has to be the most unfortunate name of a town since Fucking, Austria.
If that was not enough, the reptile was chasing a tree frog that had also stowed away underneath the front passenger seat of the small plane, the Northern Territory News reported. Who the hell does quality control on the security in these planes? Next time I am on a plane in Australia, I am keeping my feet in my chair and bringing a stun gun.
Blennerhassett made a mayday call and returned safely to Darwin.
"I have heard of crocodiles being loose in planes but not snakes," Air Frontier director Geoffrey Hunt told Australia's national broadcaster, the ABC. Wait, what? Crocodiles? Are you @#$%^& kidding me?
Snake catchers were called in but the reptile has not been found. Hunt said the aircraft remains grounded and he hopes the plane will not have to be pulled apart to find it. Not found? How is that possible? You shut down the engines, start opening panels, and smack whatever is still moving with a shovel. (This is, incidentally, Mrs. Axe's approach to our sex life.)
"Until we find the snake, it's not good for business," he said. You think? Their press people must be related to the security people.
Hollywood star Jackson starred in the cult 2006 action thriller "Snakes on a Plane," where he played an FBI agent forced to take on a plane full of poisonous snakes.
Stranger. Than. Fiction.